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Helping a nervous child

Feeling nervous about the dentist is common, and there is a lot that grown-ups and dental teams can do to help. Here are ideas for before, during and after the visit.

Crumbs the brown bear brushing a large smiling tooth

Feeling nervous is okay

Lots of kids feel a little worried about the dentist, especially when something is new. Feeling nervous does not mean you are not brave. Dental teams help kids feel calmer every day, and there are things you can practice at home too.

Your goal today: learn some tricks that help you feel calm, and how to tell the team what you need.

Cozy says

You can raise your hand if you need a short break. The team will stop and listen to you.

Crumbs explains

When you know what is going to happen, it feels less scary. Ask the team to tell you and show you first.

What the dental team might do

Pediatric dental teams use friendly ways to help kids feel calm. You might notice some of these:

  • Tell-show-do: they tell you what will happen, show you the tool so you can see, hear or touch it, and then do it just like they said.
  • They ask how you feel, explain what is next, and check you are okay before they start.
  • A stop signal, like raising your hand, so you can ask for a short break.
  • Distractions, like music, a show, or a story to think about.
  • Specific praise, like: Thank you for keeping your hands in your lap!
  • Some offices can dim the lights, play calm sounds, or offer a cozy blanket for kids who are sensitive to noise, light or touch.
Cozy the cream-coloured bear sitting in a dental chair

Before, during and after

Small steps at each stage of the visit can make a big difference.

Before

Look at friendly pictures or videos of a dental visit together, and talk about what you see.

During

Use slow breathing and your stop signal. Grown-ups can stay calm, nearby and encouraging.

After

Talk about what went well, and name the specific things your child did, like opening wide.

Try it together

  • Play dentist: take turns counting each other’s teeth with a mirror or a toothbrush.
  • Practice belly breathing: breathe in slowly through your nose, then out slowly, like blowing a feather.
  • Practice your stop signal: raise your hand, then put it back down.
  • Pick a calm song, place or story to think about during the visit.

Quick check

The team tells you what will happen, shows you, and then does it just like they said.

Use your stop signal, like raising your hand. The team will pause and listen.

For grown-ups: what the AAPD says

Worry is expected. The AAPD describes dental anxiety in children as an expected response to an unfamiliar place, ranging from mild worry to a true phobia. Fear is more likely when a child feels a lack of control, expects pain, knows something is wrong, or has had a painful health care visit before. About 15% of children have anxiety that persists or carries into adulthood, which is why gentle, thoughtful care early on matters.

How the team helps. Pediatric dentists use a range of communication-based techniques, chosen for each child’s age, development and temperament. The AAPD is clear that these techniques are never meant as punishment and should never hurt, shame or belittle a child. Your input matters: decisions about anything beyond communication are made with you, and you should be told the benefits, risks and alternatives.

Words that help

The AAPD notes that a parent’s own dental worries can pass to a child. Keep your words simple and upbeat, and avoid sharing scary dental stories. Instead of promising that nothing will hurt, say that the team will explain everything and stop if your child needs a break. Let the dental team describe specific treatments in their own child-friendly words.

Questions caregivers often ask

Yes. The AAPD calls dental anxiety in children an expected reaction to an unfamiliar setting. For most children it fades with positive experiences. About 15% of children have anxiety that lasts, so let the team know early if your child is very worried.

Parents often provide important comfort and encouragement, and many offices welcome them. Some teams use a parent-presence approach that is agreed with you beforehand. Ask about the office’s policy when you book.

The AAPD describes previewing positive pictures or videos of a dental visit, or watching another child have a calm visit, as ways to help children know what to expect. Keep explanations short and positive, and let the team explain treatment details. See First dental visit.

Tell the team. Dentists can help reshape a difficult memory by reminding your child of what went well and praising specific things they did. For some children, the team may suggest gradual steps first, such as a tour of the office or a visit just to meet the team and sit in the chair.

The AAPD describes sensory-adapted care, such as dimmed lights, calming visuals, soft music and a wrap or blanket for gentle pressure, and picture cards for children who communicate with images. Step-by-step visits can also help. Share what calms your child, and ask whether a pre-visit is possible.

The dentist may suggest nitrous oxide, sedation, or general anesthesia for some children, or, in some cases, holding off on non-urgent treatment and using in-between treatments such as fluoride varnish until your child is ready. Each option has benefits and risks, which the dentist should explain before you decide. See Nitrous oxide and Sedation.

Some dentists use voice control, a deliberate change in volume, tone or pace, to get a child’s attention. The AAPD notes that explaining it to parents beforehand can prevent misunderstanding. It is never meant as punishment. If anything about your child’s care worries you, ask.

Worry can make pain feel worse, so both matter. The AAPD says a child’s own description of pain is critical, and the team watches for signs like facial expressions and movement. A stop signal lets your child speak up. Tell the team what you notice too.

Where this guidance comes from

The clinical statements on this page come from the AAPD best practice on behavior guidance for the pediatric dental patient. The home practice ideas and the Words that help tips are general, nonclinical suggestions.

Review status: pending. No named reviewer or review date yet.

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This website is for education only and does not replace care from your dentist, physician, or emergency services.